adoptedwriter

Recently I did my DNA test at Ancestry.com. My results were astounding.

There are mixed attitudes among the adoption community that attempt to hold the adoptee back in terms of making progress with connecting to his or her biological past. Many professionals, (i.e. social workers, clergy and medical practitioners), especially those from older schools of thinking, still believe that we should just be content and thankful for the lives we had; the lives we would never have been able to experience if we hadn’t been adopted. It’s like a Law of Jante in which the adopted individual feels shamed if they speak out and disagree.
Unfortunately, sometimes among fellow adoptees, there is dissention when so many are struggling to accept a reality they despise: that their birth records in some states are legally closed. When one adoptee is fortunate enough to actually find their birth family and have successful relationships, and other adoptees do not or cannot, resentment grows toward the one who had good luck. I see way too much of this behavior in on-line support groups for adoptees and birth parents.
I am one of the “lucky” adoptees. Some people are going to hate me for that, and I have to accept it. Unfortunately, as much as I want to shout from the hilltops about how proud I am of my birth family, my heritage and history, I cannot say much in certain support groups. I am even careful in groups where I trust the members because you never know who might be having a “Bad Adoption Day” and have hurt feelings.
That’s the thing. Another commonality among the adopted is a fear of offending others to the point where it inhibits our own progress, lest we be rejected. Many of us felt rejected at birth, and no one wants to relive that or accidently trigger ourselves.
Back to my DNA results: One thing I learned, that I had no idea about, and neither did my birth sisters, was that I have Scandinavian, (Swedish-Norwegian) heritage. As per the custom of some of my ancestors, among most adopted people I interact with on line, I am very cautious. I begin with restraint and humility. I share very little unless asked. I listen and observe. Then I think and I write and reflect. This practice keeps me out of on-line trouble most of the time.