LJ/DW Iol, Week 5: Oubaitori

[adoptedwriter]

 Oubaitori

 

I have always been compared to my brother

by others.

I have always compared myself to him

as well.

It’s human nature to compare;

right or wrong.

But comparing can be toxic.

I never felt good enough

until lately.

 

He was the outgoing one.

I was the reserved one.

He was is the boisterous one.

I was the shy, reserved one.

He was  the go-getter.

He was going to grow up and be a rich doctor or a lawyer.

I would grow up, be pretty and someone’s wife.

With comparisons like that, why would I ever think I could be an achiever?

 

As things turned out,

He got straight As all through school.

(Notice how I did not use the word “earned”.)

I had mostly B’s and Cs, except in math when I had D-minuses

because in spite of my failing scores,

I was a nice girl who did not make trouble and at least showed up for class.

 

He excelled at music and theater.

Senior year he had the male lead in Hello Dolly!

I was an extra once freshman year in some obscure play no one has ever heard of. 

I won ten dollars in an art contest one time that the assistant principal ran to show how students need to clean up better in the cafeteria.

Only two people ended up submitting posters, but I came in first.

I never told my parents because it wasn’t much of a competition. 

 

When Gigi died

I sobbed for weeks,

or was it months?

He said,

“Yeah, but we still have Mamaw”.

 

He and I saw the world in vastly different ways.

As much as I dearly loved Mamaw,

something about that outlook didn’t seem right.
He made Mamaw sound like a spare.

 

Not everything or everyone is replaceable.

 

He’s had three marriages.

I have had one for almost 40 years.

As an adult, he has lived in a dozen or more homes.

I have lived in one.

He has burned through relationships with colleagues and friends over the years.

I still have my friends from grade school, and I am loyal to my workplace.

He’s been in some big trouble and taken many risks.

Not all have ended well.

I won’t even go there.

 

Our lives and beliefs are opposites.

We’re so obverse we don’t even mirror one another.

The only thing we do agree on is this:

When Dad died 28 years ago,

we made a promise to him
on his deathbed
to always take care of Mom.

And this is what we do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[xeena]

I love the symmetry in this and those last few lines are so lovely <3

[adoptedwriter]

Thank you so much!

[shirebound]

This is very moving.

'Oubaitori' is a new and wonderful word for me.

[adoptedwriter]

I learn many new terms when writing with my Idol peeps. Thanks!

[chasing_silver]

My sister and I are super different as well, but we come together for our parents, and are friends despite it. I liked this!

[adoptedwriter]

Thank you!

[roina_arwen]

You and your brother definitely seem like polar opposites, but it’s great that you both take care of mom!

[adoptedwriter]

We do what we can. Still not easy. Thanks.

[halfshellvenus]

He made Mamaw sound like a spare.
Exactly. How sad!

It sounds like he's kind of cantankerous, and while he's social... maybe doesn't actually LIKE people all that much?

Either way, you've had the more fulfilling life in the long run.

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks. 💕

[erulissedances]

A fascinating look at a broken relationship. I'm not sure if the format actually adds to the story, but it does make it interesting to read.

- Erulisse (one L)

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks! 💕

[muchtooarrogant]

It's kind of crazy how often siblings, especially ones who actually grew up together, are opposites. Nice that you two have at least one piece of common ground.

Dan

[adoptedwriter]

We also like a lot of the same tunes, but spiritually, politically, and ethically we are opposites. After our mom passes, I wonder what will become of our relationship.

[static_abyss]

The way you structured this really highlighted the differences between you and your brother and made the last part really stand out. It was very nicely done! Sending you many good thoughts and positive energy because I know taking care of our parents isn't always easy.

[adoptedwriter]

Thank you so much! We need all the good energy we can get.

[fausts_dream]

I was kind of the black sheep even though my brother took his life he was a math and science guy who was much better at making money than I ever was.

Working my 12 step program I have learned to love his strengths and try let go of my little bit of resentment.

He took care of mom financially and left me with the physical part during the endgame.

This is well done, you are more than awesome in your own right.

[adoptedwriter]

Hugs...Thank you!

[bleodswean]

Sibling relationships are so multi-faceted. You've really captured some of the more negative aspects of this one. Comparison seems to be the crux of the issue.

[adoptedwriter]

Indeed it is! Thanks!

[pixiebelle]

This was beautiful. As my own brother says, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks. It's true, or can potentially...(unless we compare food! LOL)

[mollywheezy]

Beautifully written!

[adoptedwriter]

Thank You!

[banana_galaxy]

This makes me think about how my siblings probably often felt themselves compared to me, as the eldest of the three of us, and how that impacted the direction of their lives. It does seem though that how we are in our youth doesn't necessarily translate to our adult lives, and you captured that well.

[adoptedwriter]

Thank you so much!

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you for sharing this personal tale, it's strange the things that stick with us

[adoptedwriter]

Right! Thank you!

[murielle]

Beautiful. Heartbreaking.

As children, those comparisons leave us feeling helpless. When will adults learn?

Great take on the prompt!

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks so much, Murielle!

[alycewilson]

It must be so difficult to be compared like that, especially ao unfairly.

[adoptedwriter]

It is, but I have to believe that Karma has real big teeth and is ready to bite someone you know where. (and already has!)

[reidharriscooper]

I hope he doesn't compare what he was said to be with who is or against you...
equally that you compare where YOU are with where he is or where you were meant to be.
Cause the truth is? You can't.
What you can compare is if you truly are equal if taking care, not just agreeing, but equal in your own ways so that you never compare that either.

[rayaso]

Congratulations on taking care of your mother. That's a real life accomplishment. "He made Mamaw sound like a spare" is a great and perceptive line.

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks! It's a big job for sure!

[inkstainedfingertips]

It's wonderful that as different as you are, you two can at least come together for the important things. Beautiful and moving. Thank you for sharing this.

[adoptedwriter]

Thank you!