adoptedwriter | LJ/DW Idol, Week 8, Topic: Sprezzatura

I miss my father-in-law. He was the most reliable, honest and unwavering person I have ever known. He was the embodiment of the American Dream, (as were many men of his era). Steve was born into middle class, rural Ohio, raised by his mother and adoring grandparents on a farm. Steve’s dad was aloof, boisterous and not around much, (off carousing and being a stunt pilot-turned-WWI and II Air Force hero). His father, “The Colonel”, as even his children knew him, insisted that his son would never be able to run a business successfully.

My father-in-law proved his father wrong by working his way up, first by working under others for larger companies, learning everything he could. Steve had good attention to detail, enjoyed his education, made a few very close friends and patiently waited for his time to shine. In the 1960s, he started up his own company and did very well until he retired in the early 1990s. It was not always easy because when you own your own business, you pretty much have to be more married to your work than you are to your spouse if you want your job and the jobs you’ve created for others to continue. Somehow he managed both work and marriage, (52 years), successfully and with style.

His life wasn’t as easy as he made it look, but he never gave up and never lost focus of what mattered to him; basically doing better in all the ways that his revered war hero father said would never come to pass. Steve always managed to do the right thing.

As a dad and husband, the man was Ward Cleaver, of Leave It To Beaver fame. Steve seemed to always have a solution for everything. He was not arrogant or a know-it-all. He was just that wise and level-headed. His role in life, it seemed, was to make other people’s lives less complicated and less worrisome. He was the ideal Boy Scout; always prepared, respectful to all, filled with integrity and incredibly helpful. He was a good dad who never enabled his kids but instead masterfully, quietly and calmly taught his sons about self-sufficiency and kindness.

He gave everyone the feeling that all issues could be dealt with. All questions had an answer. There was a tool for fixing anything broken and the best way to handle any conflict was with patience, perseverance, research and humor.

Steve had the best advice. He was stable and seemed god-like leading his family with a calming and loving hand.

I wish he were still here. He would be proud of how our kids and their spouses have turned out. He’d delight in his two great grandchildren and be proud of how his son, my husband looked after both his mother and aunt who suffered from Alzheimer’s for years. Steve would be impressed at how my husband, has become the next problem solver in both his career and in his home life.

Sadly, sometimes there’s one quandary that can’t always be solved: a serious medical diagnosis. Steve couldn’t escape it, and now my husband is facing a similar predicament. We don’t have an older, well informed, reassuring parent figure to guide us and pave the way this time. We’re on our own, and that’s scary as hell.

Adulting is hard. Adulting with no guidance is harder. Adulting with a serious diagnosis is terrifying. I’m not sure what to do…

Current Mood: worried

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furzicle.livejournal.com

Left wondering what the diagnosis is. Left thinking that it really doesn't matter after all, since the conundrum is fairly common. Left feeling great desires that everything works out for you all. Sending love.

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LJ/DW Idol, Week 8, Topic: Sprezzatura

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