Idol Minor Topic 1: “There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days"

[adoptedwriter]

The time between 6th and 7th grades was absolutely miserable.  If I didn’t cry every day, I still had reason to. I’d lost an uncle, two aunts and was having vivid nightmares of seeing them in their caskets.   My parents gave away a pet dog I adored; a beautiful male collie who was loving and comforting. I was awakening to the reality that I was adopted and felt confused by all of my mixed emotions about that. My dad and my best friend’s dad got into a horrible fight over the telephone because money, so my best friend and I were forbidden to ever see one another again. To add insult to injury, both math and gym class were kicking my ass.  Between never having a decent night’s sleep, bad grades, heightened awareness and too many life changes (losses) at once, being 13 was pure hell. 

I was lonely and took solace in my imagination and in the world of television, movies, books and performing artists I heard on the radio. I started a diary which was really a never-been-used-but-thrown-away red spiral-ringed binder. That item was just like me: discarded and left behind, but I could make it into something useful and dear to me. Maybe that was what being adopted was all about too.

I poured my guts out to that red notebook. It became my secret new best friend. I would sit on the floor between my twin beds where people couldn’t see me and write about my bad dreams, the mean kids at school who made fun of me, and how I missed the people and pets I no longer had in my life. I held a one-way conversation every night while listening to pop songs on my dad’s old radio he passed on to me when he bought a new stereo for the family room. I wrote and wrote and waited for days to pass and get better and took solace in the same 40 or so tunes the station played every evening. One of my favorites was Dobie Gray’s Drift Away.
 

Many of the lines in Drift Away were things I wanted my lost loved ones to know but could never articulate as a kid:
That I was thankful for the joy they gave me;
That I believed in their goodness;
That listening to songs was helping me to not feel so bad in an unkind wold;
and that having known them has made me a better person.

That song helped get me through because it was comforting and gave me something I could count on every evening before it was time to turn out the light. It was my ritual and it kept me sane.

Enjoy the music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIuyDWzctgY

 

Comments

[bleodswean]

That does sound like a terrible year, P. That age is difficult enough without the things you were wrestling with. Glad you found solace and comfort in words and music.

[erulissedances]

Tough year for you.

I was fortunate. I was told I was adopted as early as I can remember. My mother put together a book detailing her hunt for me and how I was brought back to the USA, and how happy people (Mom, Dad, my Tante Hedda) were to have me join them. It was my favorite book as a child, and I still have it.

I got more grief from being Jewish at home and Christian on my birth certificate (necessary to adopt from Germany at that time). My classmates placed too much importance on trappings like that.

- Erulisse (one L)

[mallorys_camera]

❤️❤️❤️

[murielle]

A writer is born!

I'm so sorry you had to go through so much pain, and all at once like that.

My own writer's birth story is very much like that. I was eleven or twelve, living through my own hell and I started to keep a diary, out of loneliness and misery.

Brava! Well done! Great take on the prompt.

Now, I want to hear that song!

*Hugs*

Back now. Of course, as soon as it started I remembered it. <3

[alycewilson]

What a difficult year! Music can be a great way to cope with emotions. I wonder, as you hear some of those songs today, if it brings back the feelings you had then.

[adoptedwriter]

It does but in a good way.

[adoptedwriter]

Yay! Diary writers! And now here we are on LJ and DW!

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks!❤️❤️❤️

[adoptedwriter]

Wow! So a Jewish kid had to convert or be converted to qualify to be adopted?

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks!

[gunwithoutmusic]

What a great response to the prompt! This was sad but also a little uplifting at the same time. When you wrote about sitting where no one could see you and pouring your heart out on the page while listening to the radio, it brought back some very vivid memories of my own childhood - I didn't write much when I was younger, but I was an insatiable reader and spent a lot of time hiding out in my room, sitting on the floor and escaping into my books while music played on my little radio.

[static_abyss]

I love that you linked the song at the end because I went back and read your entry with it on in the background and it made me feel like I could see little 13-year-old you writing in your notebook. What a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing with us ♥️

[erulissedances]

No, my Mother had to state that she was Lutheran before she was able to adopt me. It was post-war Germany, and probably a facility that was either state run or religious in nature. Mom didn't care - religion meant nothing to her, having me as her daughter meant everything. She would have danced around a bonfire naked in the moonlight if necessary - LOL. They were just words - they meant nothing.

Mom and Dad weren't devout in any respect. Both had lost most of their family in the war, and their association with the Jewish community was a comfort and a place to go for assistance more than any religious orientation. Mom never forgave God for the war. If I recall correctly (and she rarely mentioned it, so I'm not swearing to it), she was one of 13 children of a respected physician, and was the only one to survive.

- Erulisse (one L)

[adoptedwriter]

Wow! Tragic, but your mom sounds like a cool, smart lady. Hugs 💕😢💕

[chasing_silver]

Music is so important, and I use it constantly to process. A very poignant entry about its power. Thank you!

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks so much!

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks! Uncle Kracker also did a very similar version but I went with the 1970-something original because it was the times.

[adoptedwriter]

I read too. Book life is a life saver sometimes, right? Thanks!

[rayaso]

What an awful year! It must be painful to look back at it. Thank goodness for music and writing.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you for sharing about such a hard time *hugs*, glad that song helped you get through it

[favoritebean_writes]

That sounds like the year from hell. I'm sorry. Were you able to reconnect with your best friend later on?

As if 13 isn't a hard enough year, that just sounds dreadful. I'm glad you were able to find some solace in your notebook, and in that song. It's a good song.

[adoptedwriter]

right!

[adoptedwriter]

Thanks!

[adoptedwriter]

We met up as college students when our dads were not around or aware. We met one more time after that, but it faded away...We were both on to our own lives. She does not do social media of any sort as far as I can tell...

[halfshellvenus]

That sounds like a terrible year, with SO much loss and sadness. And yes--a difficult age to begin with, partly because other 13- and 14-year-olds are so mean. Middle school is the worst.

I'm glad you found something that helped comfort you a little while you waited out such a tough period in your life. And I can sure see why those open-casket funerals gave you nightmares! I was lucky to grow up in a region where open casket funerals are extremely uncommon, because for some of us, that will always be disturbing and unsettling. I don't how anyone ever finds that good or comforting. /o\

[adoptedwriter]

Some of it is an Appalachian tradition I think. They go all out on funerals and even weddings whether it's affordable, environmental or what have you. I find it gross and it will never be in my wishes.