DW Survivor Idol: Uncomfortably Numb

 Tiney

 

From the first day Tiney arrived he had a hard time fitting in. He was dropped off in a cramped and crowded cubicle which he now had to share with an assortment of other stiffly postured inhabitants whose reputations had been tarnished. 

“Hey, Who the fork are you?” a spiky-topped guy in the back demanded. 

“I, I, I’m Tiney, sir. Who are you?”

“None of your Gorham business!” the testy utensil poked back.

“You’d better stay out of my way, ya hear me?  No jabbing.  No stabbing. No forkin’ around, ya hear me?”

“Yeah, yes, sss-sir”. Tiney was terrified. 

“ Looks like you can’t even do a real fork’s job anyway. You must be here to work with the shrimps and the weenies.”

 

“A bit of advice though,” the spiky-headed tool continued.

“Ya gotta especially stay away from those perverts in the next cube over. Those lazy SOBs think they can dish it out but all they do is lay around and spoon together day and night. They think they got the scoop on everyone else’s business but they don’t, see.”

Tiney nodded anxiously. He looked around. 

 

Tiney pointed the other way and asked next, “What about those sharp-lookin’ fellas right over there ?” 

“Well, their leader is Mac.  He’s a mean and very dull but he’s big. Then there’s Jack. Stay away from Jack. He gets pissed easily ‘n flips everyone off. He has a way of gettin’ under your skin, ya know. Oh, ‘n they got a pal named Pat who likes to butter everyone up because he’s not too sharp. He spreads himself too thin to be worth much. I tell ya though when those motherforkers get together they can be real cut ups sometimes,’ the slender, and slightly curved cutlery added.

 

Tiney was a bit nervous and hoped that he would find a way to feel less uncomfortable in his new setting.

 

Days passed and life in the over-crowded silverware drawer became monotonous. Tiney settled into a spot where he huddled with a plastic knife who seemed harmless enough but anxious and on the verge of snapping at any moment. The days turned into weeks.  Sometimes the drawer opened, light poured in briefly and a few residents were taken out and then returned all shiny and smelling lemon-fresh after a few hours. They told the other residents that the way to get so brand new looking again was to find a way to get inside the Water Place. It was warm there and you got an amazing shower, a rub down and you come out feeling renewed and useful again. Tiney also learned to numb up to the silly insults that the carving knife and biggest fork often made. After all, they had tough jobs dealing with hams or turkeys all the time. They always had a beef about something, and Tiney had to learn not to take what they said personally.

 

The next day was a big holiday. The inhabitants of the drawer explained that it was Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving you were supposed to work hard and get along with all the dishes, pots and pans because the day was about everyone coming together and celebrating the fact that each member of the kitchen was special. When the big day was finished a whole bunch of lucky cutlery and plates would get to go to the Water Place for some well-deserved R and R. 

 

The aroma of baking and the sounds of boiling were everywhere. From inside his compartment, Tiney could hear footsteps and muffled conversations.  He was very curious. Suddenly something felt like an earthquake.  He sensed a pulling and heard someone on the outside say “Damnit!  Who rammed a spoon in here backwards?” This comment was followed by serious grunting and more cursing and shaking. Tiney began to feel rattled. 

 

With a very loud “Errrrrrgggghhhh” and a forceful yank, the drawer jolted open and Tiney suddenly found himself flying through the air. 

 

Someone yelled unintelligible profanity and a furry, long-tailed creature he’d never seen before let out a noise that seemed to be a cross between yowling and screeching. The creature darted toward Tiney, and the horror-stricken little seafood fork missed the freaked out feline’s right eye by millimeters. He landed on the hard wood floor with a clink. When Tiney came to he realized he was being licked by that furry thing that yowled. It was a weird, itchy sensation. 

 

“No, no Grogu get away!” the hurried human said and swiftly shooed the furry fellow back from Tiney.  She gently picked up the shell-shocked piece of silverware and carried it across the room.  “I can’t use it in this condition,” the human said and sighed. “In you go!”

 

A large door opened and then closed very quickly. The room went dark. There was a rumbling noise and the whole area seemed very warm.  Then came the lemony essence and sprays of something liquid. He’d found it! The Water Place!  At last!  Now, as he lavished in squirts, suds and showers, he knew what everyone was talking about, and he indeed loved it. 

 

When Tiney was pulled from the Water Place about an hour later that nice human gently gave him extra wipes with a soft cloth and placed him on a table with a bunch of other shiny members he’d seen in the drawer. Everyone looked so different and so much better all shined up and poised on the tablecloth. 

Content and ready to party, Tiney thought to himself, “We clean up pretty good!” Tiney didn’t even mind having to help with the weenies. They didn’t give him any trouble at all. He was finally comfortable serving with his pals who, in spite of a few cutting remarks now and then, gave sterling effort to many glorious occasions for years.